Need sex. Gaining weight.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
