Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
