i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
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The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
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So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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