Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
