Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize