Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
