Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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