Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
