Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
