Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
