I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
