It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
