Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
