I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I supernannyed him into submission
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
