Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
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