I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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