We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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