so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
