The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
