Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You can't just leave with hair like that
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
