So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
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