She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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