I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
