i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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