Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
