im having a threesome with these popsicles
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I'm passing your future prison.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize