No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
