I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
