She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
