well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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