First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
