She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
