I'd wear matching sweaters with you
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
