I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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