You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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