i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
