She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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