Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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