How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
