i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
BRING THE BAGELS
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
