He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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