she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
