U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
