explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
