I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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