Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
