she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
