Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
