everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
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No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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