swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I will pee on everything he values.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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