there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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