Barsexuality is the new black.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Randomize
