My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
