i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
