If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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