Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
