the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
