i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
