i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I am one with the molecules
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
