I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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