Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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