when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
