i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
