I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
