My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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