My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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