My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
