I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
