Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
