dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
