I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
