Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
