there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
