Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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