im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
