i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
