Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
