I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I need water and some morals
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
