I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
