People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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