i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
